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Take2 Renewed Virginity
Have you already unwrapped the priceless gift of virginity and given it away? Do you now feel like "second-hand goods" and no longer worthy to be cherished? Do you ever wish you could re-wrap it and give it only to your future husband or wife?
Guess what? You can be abstinent again! You can't change the past, but you can change the future. You can decide today to commit to abstinence, wrapping a brand-new gift of virginity to present to your husband or wife on your wedding night.
It's not an easy decision. You'll need to get tested for any STDs you may have picked up from past partners...you don't want to risk giving an STD to your husband/wife on your wedding night! At times, there will still be the temptation to want to have sex or to be physically intimate. But when your wedding night comes, you can look at yourself and your partner and know that you have been strong in overcoming the past and the present temptations, know that you have been committed to each other, know that abstinence has been worth it.
Check out this story by Alyssa (26)*:
Jim* and I had been dating a year and three months. We are both Christians and were both virgins at the time. (I was 24, he was 23.) We had started talking of marriage and our future together. Most of our relationship was long distance, so we didn't see each other too often. I'd write to him every day, and he'd write and call me...but when we'd see each other, it was like we started "making up for lost time" physically. Each time we'd see each other (once a month or two), we began pushing our boundaries...until we pushed them past the limit on October 12, 2000. I'll always remember the day... it's still an ugly day for me.
Anyway, we both felt immediately guilty about it and cried and prayed for forgiveness. However, it lowered self-respect in both of us so that over the next year, it became easier for us to have sex because "we had already done it." It's not that we had sex all that often... but mostly when,
1. We didn't have a plan for the evening, and
2. No one was around.
And the sex wasn't even all that pleasurable at first... no one told me it would hurt or that it would be so much work! We felt pressure to try to "get it right," and I know it would frustrate him if I wasn't fulfilled... he felt like he wasn't good enough. We'd try so hard to feel the pleasure during sex, but we'd feel so guilty about it afterward. The strain between us started to grow. We really started second-guessing each other and our entire relationship. Our relationship had originally began on the basis of the love of God... we had grown SO much together, spiritually and mentally. We used to challenge each other with our readings and have the best discussions.
I'd get worried if he'd even LOOK at another girl. We never talked about the good stuff anymore...
But after we'd started having sex (even if it was only once every other month or so), we noticed the change. I know I personally started questioning his love... I wondered if he truly loved me or if he just wanted my body now. Fear started to creep in. I became hyper-sensitive about my body, constantly wondering if he truly even liked it, or if he would ever leave me for some gorgeous, more "experienced" woman with larger breasts, toned thighs and whatnot. We started arguing constantly... I don't even remember what about... usually the dumbest little things would escalate into the biggest blowups. I'd get worried if he'd even LOOK at another girl. We never talked about the good stuff anymore; we rarely went on the fun dates we used to go on; communication was always strained...we both walked on eggshells for fear that any slight change in tone of voice would cause a huge fight. We didn't talk of marriage anymore, and our "future" discussions were limited to "so... what do you want to do tonight?" The worst part about the strain was that we'd use sex to try to get feeling "close" to each other again. Sex is very intimate and we did feel close for that short period of time. But things would spiral downward again, even worse than the last time.
One of us yelled, "I wish I'd never had sex with you!"
There wasn't any momentous event that occurred that suddenly changed us... it was about a year of the random sex and constant pressure that started grating on both of us. We talked about breaking up, we even tried it once (it lasted all of 10 minutes). We were arguing about something and one of us yelled "I wish I'd never had sex with you!" It really struck a chord within both of us, and it seemed to concretely pinpoint what had started all this mess. We started weeping because we knew in our spirits that God had brought us together for a reason and we knew we really did love each other. We knew we didn't want anyone else, we wanted to still be committed to each other, we wanted the old times back...but most importantly, we wanted to be committed to God again. We had lost focus of our foundation, and we wanted our awesome relationship back.
There has been a LOT less stress, a lot less doubt and fear... we've been talking about marriage again & enjoying the fun dates.
Since that point about a year ago, we've been growing again and saving our bodies till our wedding night. We've been talking about marriage again, enjoying the fun dates again, growing in God again. It hasn't been easy, by any stretch. We consciously try to plan dates and hang around with solid friends. Our latest thing when we are alone is playing board games or solving "whodunit" mysteries or going outside hiking. There has been a LOT less stress, a lot less doubt and fears. We've found renewed strength and self-respect and love. There have been times when things get heated physically, but one of us has always been touched by God in the midst of it and has always found strength to stop. God has been amazing. And it was really neat the other day... Jim had run into one of our friends whom we haven't seen in a long time. She has always had rough relationships...and had a baby out of wedlock about a year ago and the father left her. But she told Jim that whenever she starts thinking about relationships, she always remembers ours for our strength and commitment to each other and for always being able to work through the hard times. It made me smile to know that she said that about us. I felt so encouraged, and I know our decision to save ourselves for each other again has been worth it.
* Names have been changed to protect the individuals' privacy.
Guess what? You can be abstinent again! You can't change the past, but you can change the future. You can decide today to commit to abstinence, wrapping a brand-new gift of virginity to present to your husband or wife on your wedding night.
It's not an easy decision. You'll need to get tested for any STDs you may have picked up from past partners...you don't want to risk giving an STD to your husband/wife on your wedding night! At times, there will still be the temptation to want to have sex or to be physically intimate. But when your wedding night comes, you can look at yourself and your partner and know that you have been strong in overcoming the past and the present temptations, know that you have been committed to each other, know that abstinence has been worth it.
Check out this story by Alyssa (26)*:
Jim* and I had been dating a year and three months. We are both Christians and were both virgins at the time. (I was 24, he was 23.) We had started talking of marriage and our future together. Most of our relationship was long distance, so we didn't see each other too often. I'd write to him every day, and he'd write and call me...but when we'd see each other, it was like we started "making up for lost time" physically. Each time we'd see each other (once a month or two), we began pushing our boundaries...until we pushed them past the limit on October 12, 2000. I'll always remember the day... it's still an ugly day for me.Anyway, we both felt immediately guilty about it and cried and prayed for forgiveness. However, it lowered self-respect in both of us so that over the next year, it became easier for us to have sex because "we had already done it." It's not that we had sex all that often... but mostly when,
1. We didn't have a plan for the evening, and
2. No one was around.
And the sex wasn't even all that pleasurable at first... no one told me it would hurt or that it would be so much work! We felt pressure to try to "get it right," and I know it would frustrate him if I wasn't fulfilled... he felt like he wasn't good enough. We'd try so hard to feel the pleasure during sex, but we'd feel so guilty about it afterward. The strain between us started to grow. We really started second-guessing each other and our entire relationship. Our relationship had originally began on the basis of the love of God... we had grown SO much together, spiritually and mentally. We used to challenge each other with our readings and have the best discussions.
I'd get worried if he'd even LOOK at another girl. We never talked about the good stuff anymore...
But after we'd started having sex (even if it was only once every other month or so), we noticed the change. I know I personally started questioning his love... I wondered if he truly loved me or if he just wanted my body now. Fear started to creep in. I became hyper-sensitive about my body, constantly wondering if he truly even liked it, or if he would ever leave me for some gorgeous, more "experienced" woman with larger breasts, toned thighs and whatnot. We started arguing constantly... I don't even remember what about... usually the dumbest little things would escalate into the biggest blowups. I'd get worried if he'd even LOOK at another girl. We never talked about the good stuff anymore; we rarely went on the fun dates we used to go on; communication was always strained...we both walked on eggshells for fear that any slight change in tone of voice would cause a huge fight. We didn't talk of marriage anymore, and our "future" discussions were limited to "so... what do you want to do tonight?" The worst part about the strain was that we'd use sex to try to get feeling "close" to each other again. Sex is very intimate and we did feel close for that short period of time. But things would spiral downward again, even worse than the last time.
One of us yelled, "I wish I'd never had sex with you!"
There wasn't any momentous event that occurred that suddenly changed us... it was about a year of the random sex and constant pressure that started grating on both of us. We talked about breaking up, we even tried it once (it lasted all of 10 minutes). We were arguing about something and one of us yelled "I wish I'd never had sex with you!" It really struck a chord within both of us, and it seemed to concretely pinpoint what had started all this mess. We started weeping because we knew in our spirits that God had brought us together for a reason and we knew we really did love each other. We knew we didn't want anyone else, we wanted to still be committed to each other, we wanted the old times back...but most importantly, we wanted to be committed to God again. We had lost focus of our foundation, and we wanted our awesome relationship back.
There has been a LOT less stress, a lot less doubt and fear... we've been talking about marriage again & enjoying the fun dates.
Since that point about a year ago, we've been growing again and saving our bodies till our wedding night. We've been talking about marriage again, enjoying the fun dates again, growing in God again. It hasn't been easy, by any stretch. We consciously try to plan dates and hang around with solid friends. Our latest thing when we are alone is playing board games or solving "whodunit" mysteries or going outside hiking. There has been a LOT less stress, a lot less doubt and fears. We've found renewed strength and self-respect and love. There have been times when things get heated physically, but one of us has always been touched by God in the midst of it and has always found strength to stop. God has been amazing. And it was really neat the other day... Jim had run into one of our friends whom we haven't seen in a long time. She has always had rough relationships...and had a baby out of wedlock about a year ago and the father left her. But she told Jim that whenever she starts thinking about relationships, she always remembers ours for our strength and commitment to each other and for always being able to work through the hard times. It made me smile to know that she said that about us. I felt so encouraged, and I know our decision to save ourselves for each other again has been worth it.
* Names have been changed to protect the individuals' privacy.
